25 life lessons on my 25th birthday
My last year has been one of the richest years in my life, in terms of the severity of experiences and lessons learned from them. And although some learning chapters aren’t closed yet, and when it becomes tough the lingering depression in me makes me consider giving up, (I also blame the post-modern world for this attitude) I’m hopeful because as long as we learn and ponder, what’s coming will only be better, Insha’Allah.
Let’s get right into it :)
Inner thoughts:
1- Gratitude is a state of heart. When you’re unable to be thankful to Allah for His countless blessings or to the people around you, know that your heart is clouded and check it. I’m thankful for another year and thankful for everything I’ve got because I’ve got a lot. Alhamdulillah.
2- Constant reflection is the key to success. In other words, tazkiyya. Having good shiny amazing values isn’t enough if you don’t implement them in your life. Do the work.
3- Adulthood sucks, big time. Everything you do in the adult world has consequences that are beyond what you could imagine. But again, you don’t become an adult simply because you’ve aged or you’re doing adult things. You have to do the work. Be an adult, be a responsible human being. That’s the only way you grow.
4- If you’re in a place where you’re lost and your principals are being tested, follow the guidance of the prophet PBUH. Humans are flawed and biased. Take the lead of he who makes no mistakes sallaAllahu 3alyh wasallam.
5- Everything is a state of heart really. Subhanallah. If you’re unhappy, check your heart and fix your relationship with your Lord before pointing fingers at problems outside of you.
6- Hatred and anger are two of the worst feelings a person can hold in their heart. Try to get rid of them for yourself before anyone else.
7- There’s a difference between decrees that can be changed, that you should strive to change, and decrees that you aren’t meant to change. It takes a lot of wisdom to differentiate and understand the implications of each.
8- In this modern world, we have tiny tolerance for discomfort and jump straight to radical decisions. Everything around us encourages us to give up, replace people, and start over. But patience takes us a long way, is encouraged by our prophet PBUH and is key to a happy marriage.
9- Enhancing your relationship with Allah and the Quran is a necessity —ولقد نعلم أنك يضيق صدرك بما يقولون فسبح بحمد ربك وكن من الساجدين. To be able to have إحسان to those who hurt you, and to be able to be the bigger person requires a mental and emotional capacity of putting your feelings and grudges aside when dealing with people to be in the right in the eyes of Allah SWT. It’s so difficult that no human can attain it on their own, there must be a constant input of إيمان. It’s just inhuman otherwise.
10- The grass is always greener on the other side. Stop saying “if only”.
11- I owe my parents SO much for instilling in me a seed of goodness that pulls me back whenever I go astray.
12- Honesty isn’t always the best policy. Some things are better untold.
13- Love yourself for the sake of yourself, and your children. Invest in yourself to become a role model to your children, and exercise so you can play around with them as they grow.
14- In my journey to actualize my name, and become a Rahma (mercy) to people around me, I’ve seen this year an immense amount of cruelty that had me contrast and realize how destructive it is to the people around. The worst of them all is cruelty towards family members. May we be merciful people always.
15- Exile is brutal.
16- In general, I feel like most people don’t know what they’re doing. At least I don’t, and that’s fine, as long as I have Allah by my side guiding me. As I grow, decisions become tougher and tougher, and I never wanted to grow honestly, but I’m hopeful that our days will pass swiftly, with the least damage possible, and the closest we can get to righteousness. Amen
People:
17- “There is no good in people who do not give advice,” prophet PBUH says. But beware whom you ask for advice! Not everyone wants good for you, you don’t want to expose yourself in front of people who will use everything you say against you in a blink of an eye.
18- Do not expect people to understand or sympathize, they’ll never know. Only Allah knows and that’s what should matter. Let them judge you all they want, the sooner you stop caring what people think about you, the sooner you’ll be able to reach peace.
19- Better off, don’t put yourself in a position where you expect things from people at all. Be the person who gives, who provides, who listens, not the person who’s vulnerable and weak and needs people, in any sense. Let your weaknesses only be shown to Allah swt. اعلم أن شرف المؤمن قيامه بالليل وعزه استغناؤه عن الناس
20- I hate the fact that in our societies, adults aren’t held accountable. I pray that I know how to say sorry when I grow up.
21- Having good friends wherever you go is the biggest blessing ever.
Marriage:
22- Marriage doesn’t make you a better person by default, and neither is it your spouse’s responsibility. Muslim social media influencers romanticize couples' Islamic activities all the time, which is of course beautiful—but as much as it’s important and necessary to have companions on your path to Allah, your journey to Him is inherently extremely personal. The moment you rely on anyone for your spiritual well-being, be that your parents, spouse, or even sheikh: know that you’re doomed.
23- Marriage is the most dynamic and complex relationship in the world. So many layers and factors and changes and fluctuations happen every hour. No one in the world has a right to evaluate your marriage or push you toward being unsatisfied with what you have.
24- On a related note, comparison is cancer.
25- Lastly, marriage in the eyes of Allah is incredibly sacred ميثاق غليظ — careful what you advise married people about their relationships, one word that you give no thought to can destruct a relationship, and that’s a huge sin, being a destructor of marriages.
I could go on and on and on, but I’ll leave this here for now. My new year resolution is to be more present and get back to writing. I was shocked to see my last post dates 2019 ehm.
Let’s hope for a more grounded year, full of gratitude, love of Allah, and mercy.
Rahma Fateen
