No post of agony, just dedication

Just a few days ago, I got this weird love boost, it all happened in bed with my head on the pillow. I suddenly felt a great desire of going to Palestine, (which is my biggest wish since long) but this time I felt tears on my cheeks. I have no idea why. They say that people sometimes might cry because they want something so bad, I never believed them till then. I didn't want to go there for a visit only. Of course I'd like to visit but what I felt at that moment was something greater. I want to die there. I can live all my life here, in Egypt, but I want to drop dead in Palestine. By an Israeli. After provoking him. After praying in Al-Aqsa mosque.
It isn't just a dream of a 14 year old girl. Girls my age dream of meeting their celebrity crush. This is different. It's a cause I'm living by.
Anyhow, that night, I don't know if I should describe it as terrible or terrific, I had this weird dream.
I was there, with my youngest brother and mom. Two soldiers were raising their guns to our faces, this close to shooting us. I was carrying my little brother in my arms, bringing him close to me, as if trying to keep him safe. My mom suddenly let out a cry of pain, she pleaded the soldier not to kill the little kid and kill her instead. Then she told him something I don't quite remember. She told him that there was something he badly wanted on the roof of the house beside us. The Israeli didn't believe her. She told him to go check for himself. He told her to come along so he would kill her if she was lying.
I was so afraid for her, I had no idea what she was talking about but I was scared. They went up the house, as I pulled my brother closer. Halfway up before they reached the roof, I heard a gunshot. I wasn't sure if the guy killed mom or mom killed the guy. I woke up frightened. I didn't know if I should be happy or sad. Even if mom had died, they would've killed me afterwards and my wish would've come true. But I never knew what happened next.
What occupied my thoughts after I woke up was the scene. Palestinians actually live in such fright every single day? I couldn't continue sleeping that night only because of a dream, how do I think they live everyday with such incidents as common as one may imagine? No wonder Palestinian women, children and men are the bravest of all.
I shut all the imagining as I heard the call for Fajr. I dropped the blankets off me, deciding that I'm going to Palestine with the first chance that comes.
God wills.
Rahma Fateen